How Often Do You Cry?
We've all heard it.
Crying means you're weak. Crying means showing vulnerability. Real men don't cry.
Sadness seems to be our primary association with crying, but there have been some studies done that show people report feeling happier after crying. It is estimated that 85 percent of women and 73 percent of men report feeling better after shedding tears. We tend to associate crying with forms of depression, grief, or stress. The popular antidepressants like Prozac are reported to inhibit crying — an effect that, surprisingly, many patients find unsettling.
Crying is suppose to help relieve tension, restore emotional equilibrium and provide a form of “catharsis,” washing out or releasing bad feelings. Crying is almost a universal sign of grief, though, despite genuine sorrow, some cannot shed tears — even years after their loved one has gone. The physical act of crying is mainly one of inhaling — as opposed to laughter, which requires exhaling. Therefore, crying can disrupt speech, which is why we choke up when speaking. There has been discussion as to explaining why tears can communicate states of mind and feelings that are often so difficult to express in words.
We have learned from neuroscience that certain brain areas are activated, unconsciously, when we see another in emotional distress. In short, our brain has evolved to allow us to experience empathy and compassion. So the next time you reach a tissue box, sob on a friend’s shoulder, or tear up during a movie, stop and reflect on why you are crying and what it means to cry.
I can briefly tell you my personal experience with crying - I rarely cry anymore. Experiences during my childhood have made me "flat" when it comes to grieving. This isn't because I do not care nor I am not compassionate. I am quite the opposite. I care and empathize greatly with others, but I find myself in situations where I cannot cry even though I feel like I "should" be. There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve (as an example here). I can tell you, however, that at random times (if triggered), I have found myself crying for "no apparent reason" at that time. It isn't until I stop and take some time to reflect on what could have triggered the crying or how I am really feeling deep within myself. I stopped telling myself "I should be crying". I still say to myself, "I need to cry, but let me hold it in for now" (e.g. to be strong for my family), but I will allow myself to release those emotions in my own quiet space.
Just remember, how you process your emotions (especially grief), is all individual.
I'll leave you with one last statement: I have almost always felt better after crying.
Happy Thoughts!
-C